You heard it right. I would rather deep throat barbed wire than be an extrovert again. This is what life is like an an INTROVERT:
I get to chill when I want and answer to nobody. I can swear like a sailor without judgment. I can cry at random videos without hiding my tears because I don’t cry in public. I refuse to give anybody that one-up on me. There’s nobody to spend my money on or somebody who needs me to do some asinine favor because, let’s face it, helping somebody move is just a pain in the dick. Life is simple and more risk-free. I get to analyze me more and, yea, there’s a bit of judging you.
Here is life as an EXTROVERT: Fuck my life! K, that’s it. Thanks for tuning in, folks.
Really though, it’s a bunch of watching where I drive or walk because you’re there. It’s having to be on-point all the time because you aren’t. Humans have a 9/10 fuck-it-up rate at best. Realistically, it’s 10 out of 10. Every day I go into the world, somebody fucks up my order or drives like a fruitloop so I have to be vigilant so they don’t smash my shit up because if they do, it’s on me. They won’t own it or pay up. It’s having to watch my speed or sit at a bullshit red light even though nobody else is around, just in case the po is sitting under some tree all shady-like. It’s hearing kids have outbursts in public, it’s watching their mothers scroll through Facebook on their phones as if they’re Miss Popular. It’s having to foot the bill or do the driving because I’m the nice guy and you’re just a broke motherfucker. It’s me pointing out typos in literally every article I read. It’s watching a bunch of fake people be loud and obnoxious. It’s seeing a stunning view yet every human around isn’t appreciating it like I am- instead, their phones do the admiring and the appreciation comes from the people who comment on the picture they absolutely will post. It’s watching humans be so inauthentic, it is sickening. It is being that one person who steps up when you say or do something uber shitty and looking like the asshole for it.
So, yea, I’d rather, in the most positive way, deep throat barbed wire than be an extrovert again. Looking back, almost every time I put myself out there, it didn’t pan out. Nobody can even do a good deed or have something cool happen without posting about it as if the feedback from strangers or people we don’t care about that deeply is the breath of life. Extroversion is people being unoriginal and stealing my ideas. You have no clue how many “oh, I should do that” I got when I told people I was an audiobook narrator. Then they’d ask “how do you get into that?” to which my response is “do your homework if you’re so serious about it all of the sudden.” I wrote a book and suddenly others were all like “oh I’m writing a book!” as if they suddenly turned from boob-tube watchers to literary scholars. Extroversion is being ahead of the game and constantly waiting for others to catch up. It’s having to go without or doing what you don’t want in group outings because you have to take everyone’s input into effect. Honestly, maybe I don’t want to. Being a team-player is fine and all but I did that way too long without the team stepping up. Not only was I batting, I had to pitch that cocksucker too while manning two out of three bases.
Extroversion is a big “fuck you” to myself. If I go first- you know, like water your own garden type of shit- then I’m a selfish prick. And, frankly, putting others first all the time is exhausting and I built resentment doing that. Extroversion is being told you are free and believing it. Extroversion is saying there’s 1,632 genders when you know better. You have to do and say so many things just to fit in.
K, lockdowns. When the Rona hit, we were put into isolation/lockdown/whatever you wanna call it. Shit. Was. AWESOME! I live in the mountains so wanna know what I did? I went out and played in places I don’t normally play. Usually, if the humans are around, I’ll hike another three to five miles just to make sure they’re away from me. I actually got to chill in the mainstream spots everyone knows of. Nobody was there. The moose and deer and stuff actually chilled in the open in the meadows. There wasn’t any litter for me to pick up! I repeat that: the litter was gone because the pesky humans were gone! #LitterChallenge2022, y’all. That video that was sooooo important for our Earth and the future generations but it got wayyyy less than 100 views. I’m insulted only because if I showed my cool tits or put myself looking all fly on the thumbnail, it would’ve actually gotten views. But I don’t do that even though I could if I wanted to. I just don’t want to. When I was an extrovert, or what some would call kinda popular, I was an egotistical bitch in my short skirts, tan, manicures, my hair all done up, makeup splashed on my face. I used to be wicked hot, you guys. Ask anyone. But, when life got real, I got real.
Lockdown made the air and water quality improve drastically. We all saw those videos- monkeys running around main streets, dolphins by the shore, birds galore, animals reclaiming their homes that we literally stole from them. We even treat them like shit when they try to hang out on their own land. How sweet are we? There was silence. I could actually sit back against the trees again and feel their energy. If you get one of those plant MIDIs and hook it up to any plant, it sings. Everything around us in nature has a vibration and emits energy that translates like a song to the human ear. The world is singing…but we’ve stopped listening. The magical ethereal beneficial frequencies are now muddled and toxic. For those like ‘what?’, I’m talking like 432 Hz and stuff.
What kind of arrogant species believes we own all of this or that we’re entitled? As a society ridden with ego, if somebody gets in the way it’s “take em out” or “don’t like it, well get out”. We are so busy looking after ourselves, our families, our lives that we have tunnel-vision with a focus on ‘me’ and ‘I’. There is no room for ‘you’ let alone ‘us’. And I’m talking about with humans, never mind including animals as an ‘us’ or ‘we’. The only reason animals are hidden away or scurry when they see us is because of us. They have eyes and ears. They see our destruction and noise. They’ve seen their own kind shot down or bloodied for our benefit. If they all wanted to band together and take us out, they could. I don’t blame them for not wanting to and for fleeing the opposite direction when humans are around.
If we had lockdowns for a couple of weeks once a year or so and were actually CONCIOUS about our emissions, there’d be something worth fighting for. But, because of us, my niece will grow up and never see a moose or a bear. She may not remember that she sees them on occasion now but the sightings are getting scarcer. She’ll forget what it’s like to take a sip from a crisp stream deep in the mountains. She’ll forget what wide-open spaces are, what a garden looks like, how birdsong sounds. She may never believe sharks existed. Sharks. You guys, we are living alongside actual dinosaurs. How cool is that? Instead of realize how cool things are, we shit all over it.
Nature healed during lockdowns and here we all were bitching about how bored and miserable we were. Once lockdowns lifted, we went back out there with our long drives and wasteful spending and fucked it up all over again. It’s like that little band-aid we granted Mother Nature with for such a short time never happened. The trouble is, I remember it happened. I remember Earth healed some of her wounds a bit. I saw the animals again. I heard the breeze and those birds. I felt free. I really felt free. The weight I normally feel when I’m around others was lifted.
PLEASE NOTE: Blog posts are transcripts of the accompanying YouTube videos
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