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ACE INFJs with cPTSD and/or PMDD, this is for you! We’ll keep it short and tidy.
In a nutshell, this super rare class of people have learned to perform instead of bond. One or both
parents screwed us over so we see love as conditional and relationships as inauthentic. It’s not just
day-by-day battle, it’s moment by moment.
Childhood is all about discovery and safety, a phase of gaining our footing. If you’re an ACE child,
know that 8 of these are checked off (see video for CHART). Stick a weak seed in raggedy ass soil and not enough sunlight, a tree may not grow to it’s potential. If you’re an INFJ, you know all about this (see video for CHART). Now add cPTSD which means you meet this criteria (see video for CHART) because of this (see video for LIST OF CAUSES), this makes sense as a part of your dark side (see video for ACE & cPTSD charts) and this makes sense as your light side . But because of all this (see video for CHARTS), you’re predisposed to this if you’re a female (see video for PMDD chart) chart. ACE and cPTSD pretty much go hand-in-hand and create cycles of early life. We must keep in mind that a traumatic early start to life leads to a lifetime of hurdles in later life. Trauma changes brain chemistry and biological makeup. Being INFJ with their ability to feel things at their core, the PMDD creates a cycle later in life that consists of slicing, dicing, repairing and remorse. It causes one to look too deeply, to search for the answers in questionable places, to strive to lead when being the first follower holds just as much value, to be skeptical of love, to be shaken by the depth of their hurt, to be cautious of everything and everyone. Common traits: a shoddy upbringing with even cruddier parents/caregivers. These people are old wise souls, trail blazer if only they’d release themselves of these burdens they tow along everywhere.
These are all current introverts who are either ambiverts with prominent introversion or former extroverts. These are deep feelers with excellent attention to detail and exceptional intuition. They’re social creatures being that they’re human yet definitely need alone time in order to compartmentalize events and feelings. They’re pensive, a bit melancholy, contemplative, This comes from lived experience. They are hyper vigilant in the now, skeptical of tomorrow, all based on yesterdays. The natural born sparkle had been dimmed by those who hurt them without regard, used them, abused them, left them in the dust. All the hurt that hurt more by being a deep feeler caused cracks in their shells, a bleak outlook. So where does all this hurt come from anyway? And why does it hurt at such a deep level? Because victims of childhood trauma and/or abuse gives us a certain aura. It causes an individuals to turn either dark, with a ‘fuck the world’ type of attitude that stems from a lifetime of bullshit. Monkey see, monkey do. Or to become super soft, sensitive, vulnerable in a way. Not to mention most of the outside world sees us as mysterious and sometimes weird. Being quiet yet vocal when they see good use for their voice and being super tough yet undeniably sensitive all gives off a vibe of inauthenticity. But I absolutely beg to differ. This means these people, if they take the right path, are eclectic not disingenuous. Reminds me of the Gemini stereotype. I’m one. People always go “eww Geminis are two-faced!” without understanding it isn’t being two-faced in the stab-you-in-the-back, shit-in-your-soda, steal-you-man type of two-faced but, rather, having multiple perceptions on things. So, two faces, yes. Two-faced, no.
Being highly empathetic, a ‘been there done that’ thing, causes victims to become a magnet to other broken souls. They attract narcissists, addicts, misfits, the misunderstood. If you are an INFJ, or an NF personality type in general, you want to touch, to feel, to heal. Often times, these types walk alongside the downtrodden or the lost, for miles and miles without regard to their own tattered shoes and calluses. Also, while most people are able to burn bridges so fast, ACE INFJ’s with cPTSD aren’t so quick to do this. We know how it feels to be drowning while watching seas of other humans filming us while clinging to a life raft they never offer to us. The thoughts of others in the darkness never finding the light is daunting to us. If you add PMDD to all this mess, you get all the feelings and emotions time zillion. It adds a blinding rage to the mix that’s difficult, if not impossible to see through while you’re living through it. All that coiled up sadness, anger, etc come spewing out without warning, without reprieve. But, keeping this all in mind while remembering that like attracts like, be conscious of the triggers and actively work at it, day by day. Eventually, you’ll attract whole people who’ve walked through the jungle but made it out instead of broken people who prefer the familiar feelings of pain and loss over fulfillment and hope considering the latter has never proved to pan out in the past. Due to their protectors constantly crossing boundaries, they’re hyper sensitive so every pin prick will feel like a slice from a sword. The depression these people feel come in many forms, particularly chronic depression and reactive.
Being this type of person is misunderstood and those who do get it find all that trauma intimidating and, often times, unflattering. In today’s society, you can say all you want that it’s okay to be broke they’ll always be there should you call but we all know the truth- that being damaged goods isn’t accepted with open arms, that when we call you may not answer because why should anything rain your parade? This “not my monkey, not my circus” mentality is shit yet we all think it. If the Good Samaritan Law wasn’t a thing, I’m not so confident I’d see lives being saved on the news. It’s a dog eat dog world while looking out for your pack.
Now if you’re one of these people, heal yourself first before you even think about procreating. It’s selfish to pass on unhealthy genes. Not all disabilities are visible to the naked eye, some are only visible to a naked soul. To be in a relationship with one of these people, you can’t just talk about the weather. Talk about the meaning behind the storms. You can’t tit for tat. Swallow the tit knowing that redemption does exist. Empathy, support, nurturing, communication and patience go a long way. If you’re dating an ACE cPTSD who’s INFJ with PMDD and they’re pissing you the F off, just say this: “Honey, we’re both seeing red right now and I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret later. I’m going take off for a while until I calm down. I promise I will be back and I love you.” That’s it. That’s all you have to say, then remove yourself from the situation. Here it is again. Take a screenshot or pause this bad boy and grab your notebook and pencil. This way you won’t be tempted to tit for tat. Since when has adding fire to fire fanned a flame, hmmm? And this way the sufferer won’t take it to heart, overwhelmed with a fear of abandonment. Being who they are, experiencing what they have, people tend to leave them- sometimes with a shitty explanation and serious attitude, other times without a single word. Poof! Ghosted. Don’t prove to them their notions of being unworthy are true by leaving without a guarantee of return.
These people need to talk it out, write it out. Let them feel. Let them write it out first, toss that word salad around. Then eventually they’ll run out of dark clouds and start dwelling on the stars and the sunshine. Proper love, though still conditional, will help bring the magic back. If we’re patient and understanding with our house plants, why can’t we be that way with our trees? (see video for QUOTE). Don’t block the sunlight and be the soil. We are the seedlings.